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Custom Dreams - Draft by =strangecolours:iconstrangecolours:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Sociopolitical > Open


Custom dreams,
Tailored in space,
Sent down here,
To the human race,
For the little people,
To dream of lives,
Different than their own,
Which brings no surprise,
But while the tailor is in,
There is no freedom to gain,
For custom dreams,
Bring nothing but pain.
©2008 =strangecolours
Details
Submitted: February 17
File Size: 422 bytes
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Resolution: 0×0
Comments: 15
Favourites & Collections: 5 [who?]

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Author's Comments

Its got a deeper meaning. And for once I know what I was writing about and I had an idea for it :D

Still a work in progress, Once ill finish ill move this to my scraps.
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`ladytwiglet:iconladytwiglet: Feb 18, 2008, 4:07:04 AM
i cant really give any crit, as i am bloody terrible at writing. but it flows well, none of the words seem out of place and i like it :aww: thats all i've got, sorry!

--
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=strangecolours:iconstrangecolours: Feb 18, 2008, 4:11:45 AM
its okay :) any comment is a good comment :)

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The text above was written by a robot made by an atomic space monkey.
~Sapient-Butterfly:iconSapient-Butterfly: Feb 18, 2008, 5:42:06 AM
The flow isn't bad, perhaps needs a little smoothing out. But I really like the concept so will look forward to reading the finished piece.
=strangecolours:iconstrangecolours: Feb 18, 2008, 5:48:59 AM
:) glad to hear so.

ill work on it again in a week. so i have a fresh view on it.

--
The text above was written by a robot made by an atomic space monkey.
`Xerces:iconXerces: Feb 18, 2008, 8:03:50 AM
wow. a lovely concept! good flow to it, and very well read, although i would change "Different than their own," to "Different from/to their own,". there's something about 'than' that doesn't read quite right

--
I'm gonna cut you up so bad you gonna wish I ain't cut you up so bad
(Some bad roaches)

~XerStock

*Dark-Arts-Asylum Resident, Room 223
=strangecolours:iconstrangecolours: Feb 18, 2008, 8:15:02 AM
woohoo real critique!

thanks a bunch kitty!
:)

--
The text above was written by a robot made by an atomic space monkey.
`Xerces:iconXerces: Feb 18, 2008, 8:23:23 AM
heh. no worries! that is all i could find wrong with it as such- although not exactly wrong =D
hope it helps!

--
I'm gonna cut you up so bad you gonna wish I ain't cut you up so bad
(Some bad roaches)

~XerStock

*Dark-Arts-Asylum Resident, Room 223
=strangecolours:iconstrangecolours: Feb 19, 2008, 12:23:27 AM
it does help :)
thank you very much :)

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The text above was written by a robot made by an atomic space monkey.
*Away-From-Me:iconAway-From-Me: May 16, 2008, 5:21:53 AM
why move to scraps?
it flows nicely, what with the rhyming and such, but i'd do something different with the punctuation. maybe not a comma at the end of every line?

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:coffeemachine: Because nothing says love like your very own coffeemachine.

Ask me about barnacles, you won't regret it.
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